Holes In His Hands

19488951_10211635172808379_4381629397380128972_oThrough the holes in His hands my heart was healed.
To be like him means
I’ve got to let it all go
Beyond the madness
Beyond the tears

Walk past the chains
Walk through the fears.
To begin the process of going
You must first let it all go

Like waterfalls of grace
Glory light of Mercy
Shining straight through.
Bring me through the fire

Hold me with heaven’s grip
Bring from the North
Your lightning rod of truth
Let heaven’s fire, wind, water and earth
become a wave of quantified love
No force would begin or attempt to hold back
Let me be one with you like an electrified wind with its soaring flowing kite

An agent of synergy
Consumed with our energy
Your frequency and vibe
Take me past this times 10 or more
Open up ones 2 heaven’s door
The Ephesians more
I want to know the taste
I want to see your face
Like butterflies dancing
I see life anew arise
The hole in your hands
Remind me
I cannot carry the pains that I feel so deep
When I walk the streets of compassion and see humanity’s disgrace
My heart pours with mercy
Tears can hardly contain
The discrepancy of the love represented by those who speak your name
Swollow up, my God, the abyss of humanity’s shame
Hold me in your hands of time
Guard my heart with your hands of love
Consume me with your love Divine
Till every part of me
in you
I find
That I would first learn who you are In me
That I would have the capacity
To see
Through the holes in your hands
You heal the wounds too big for man
From the depravity of darkness
An empty song
It releases a weapon in the minds of a
mind that’s reactive – flight/fight
Just do it
live in the realm of a Reactivivious Land
If you think you can then do, because Heaven’s all about you
It the counterfeit worst
It’s a self killing knife
If we dare to sing together
separated by hidden contention
be like me and stive
Bring your Song oh Lord
One that reflects your face
Past the feel good place
New Songs knocking as you send or our oil
Let the Butterflies of life
fly
Fly Though our inner depths
The place in our beings where Heaven and earth collide
Where you, my Majestic King
and your love abide
Where darkness less and dare not hide
You bring forth a light
a presence
Aglow
a love
of which every and all
matters of existence must swim and flow
The water of his love, word made true
Spring up, oh well
The one in me, the one in you
In the darkest time or most feared time or night
You pull me into the place of “I am”
Which is who you are
I’m brought to see as I experience
That the sword that you carry
Firey fire more than hot to the touch
A love that echoes through the dimensional paradoxes I can it understand
Like the breast plate of your dove
Insigned on my soul and heart from my Father’s hand of love.
Make me into who I’ve always been
Show me the world through my surrender
You are not what you do
Is the starting point that positions heaven’s move through you
Bring upon your people,
The ones who know our name,
An all consuming fire
Filled the Fathers heart’s desire
Let us not rest until we learn your heart
Let us never win a win without the voice of your heart beating in oneness live likened melted into you.
Let us make love not contemplation
Let us be free to discuss whether we have a pedigree or heart of God that’s free
Whether my name on earth worth’s nothing but a nickel
Awaken your church from being fickle
Let money not be our mark of truth
And tickles to our flesh and heart, mind not be what we market as your glory
Bring forth the key
Open heaven’s annointeds’ eye to see
Let us see Through the holes in your hands, Jesus
Or did we forget you’re more than my feel good toy
Less I reduce you to by/of the universe
To my toy army man
To a delusion in head
Let never they the author Love
He has holes in his hands for me, see

Disciplines of Christ

20292904_10211932841689915_2676207561435016533_n“The words I speak are not my own ”
Jesus said
and I get that.
So much to say but when I write it’s never about my need, my want or even what I think. It’s the word of the Lord I feel, taste, smell, touch, moving around alive in me. 
Jesus became the living word.
I suppose a follower of Jesus might want to pursue the disciplines of Christ in addition to the touchy, feel-good, yum yum of Christianity.
Obedience
Jesus waits
Father waits
Holy Spirit waits
If you’re ONE with Christ and you aren’t willing to wait on the Lord,
You might want to check your oneness meter.
Maybe plug it in. It will work better plugged into to the power source.
Waiting is…
the process of a Son or Daughter of the Most High God, following the King of Kings. Lead by the Holy Spirit, revealing the heart and will of the Father who is willing to listen, hear, discern, choose and then choose to do nothing else until the hands of time call forth the next step. It’s the silent, hidden yet completely visible side of Synergy that commands us to come into alignment with who we are and soak in the wisdom we have been fed till We intimately know the ONE who feeds us.

So much more but I hear…. take a sip and rest my daughter. Do you like this woodsy taste, dry crisp and fruity?
Savor, sip, enjoy. So I shall

Fixership Is Not Relationship

15747554_10209961774334463_2547632673295877320_nFixership is a form of religion, not relationship.
A person with a Fixerships mentality can not enter into the true biblical and kingdom version of relationship with anyone outside of their kind of people. They will tell you, “You are Valuable.” In religion, they will tell you Jesus paid the price for you. But to them personally, you are not worth the cost, the risk that real relationship requires.
It’s not safe. The perceived risk is far too great.
Relationship requires vulnerability transparency and authenticity.
Since everything Kingdom and God flows out a relationship, a person partnering w a fixership mentality simply doesn’t have the capacity to do anything or offer anything other than outreach.

In other words, “you stay in your cliche and I’ll stay in mine.” We can email, say hi in passing or in between the Fixership’s very important busy schedule.

A clear red flag for a fixership mentality:
It’s never enough time
They always have to go.
Fixership offers suggestions without a real relationship.

A person partnering with fixership will tell you what’s wrong with you but they won’t invite you over for dinner and break bread with yoIt’s
Its very distant, very surface, with a smile and I love you.

Fixership is not real relationship.
It’s anti-kingdom and is more about the person fixing than the person they seek to fix.
It’s pride and self idolatry; poor teaching, religion and stuffed or undealt with wounds usually stemming from the lie of worthlessness.

The person partnering with fixership needs as much love and encouragement as the one they seek to fix, so if u run into a person partnering with a fixership mentality, be kind but beware.
They may not know just how lethal their love can be to the heart of another.

Remember Jesus died for them too.
Be love, but stand your ground.
Choice and identity is what you sacrifice when you surrender to a person with Fixerships mentality.

When you have a pot boiled over, scorching with burnt stinkfest, first you have to put a handle on on the pot before you can pick it up.

Defining the counterfeit and anti-kingdom mindsets that call themselves Love is a starting point.
Lets have a conversation.
I’m willing to listen. Are you?

Linda’s Story – Please Read!

Howdy, all. I’m Rebecca Trotter, writer at The Upside Down World and a friend of Linda’s. She agreed to let me write a post here in order to share a bit more about the woman behind the poetry, worship and spiritual insights she shares here. Some of you may not realize this, but today Linda is a homeless single mom with autism and the heart of a superhero. 7 years, ago, however, Linda was living the dream.

1915581_1249414868994_7935911_nShe was a successful businesswoman, entrepreneur, and activist with 5 kids, a husband, a beautiful house on a hobby farm. However, when her 4 older children were nearly ready to leave the nest and her youngest was just a pre-schooler, she stumbled on child pornography on her husband’s computer. Faced with the evidence of children being harmed, she walked away from everything but her children in order to build a case against her husband and get help for the victimized children in those pictures.  Not only did she give up the house, the business, her church, most of her relationships, the money and everything that went with it, Linda and her youngest daughter were forced to go into hiding during and after the trial due to threats from people associated with her husband.  Her husband was found guilty on 397 counts of child sexual abuse in February of 2011.

With the trial done and her children safe, Linda was left to start a new life on the other side of the country from nothing. However, within months Linda was hospitalized with uncontrollable bleeding in need of emergency blood transfusions just to survive. Her daughter was put into foster care while the doctors struggled to figure out what was wrong with her. They performed an emergency hysterectomy to preserve her life and keep her from bleeding, but her health continued to deteriorate. Doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with her – cancer? A bleeding disorder? A rare metabolic problem?

Eventually, doctors decided that Linda was suffering from an autoimmune disorder which was causing her body to turn on itself and destroy healthy tissues. They informed her that she could expect this to cause permanent disability and that she would never be able to work again and would struggle to care for her own children without help. Linda refused to accept this grim prognosis. She battled child services to have her daughter returned to her. She went on disability and set about rebuilding a life for herself, returning to her areas of expertise in child advocacy and helping autistic children. She helped her youngest daughter, who also has autism, begin a charity called We 3 Kids which raised money to help children in need and to pay for her to attend a private school able to offer a learning environment that met her needs as an autistic child.18528005_10211222678096269_4788373268916540566_n

Unfortunately, disability payments don’t come anywhere near enough to meet actual living expenses. Maintaining housing became an ongoing battle. At times Linda and her daughter resorted to sleeping in a tent or a camper owned by a friend, without electricity, access to the internet or any of the tools needed to continue trying to build a new life for herself. Along the way, she and her daughter repeatedly had everything stolen or lost until Linda was left with one pair of pants and two shirts to her name. Under these circumstances, still working to heal from her autoimmune disorder, the projects which Linda and her daughter were building fell apart. They would couch surf among friends when able and earlier this spring simply went to a shelter for street people and prayed for the best.

The thing to know about Linda is that even as her life fell completely apart and the rug was snatched out from under her over and over, she just keeps getting stronger, braver and more loving. I’ve watched Linda walk through hell and pull herself back out repeatedly. I’ve witnessed her raise a few bucks to buy sweaters for kids in an orphanage in Africa when she had one pair of pants to her name. She will and has given her last pennies to friends in desperate situations so they could avoid falling into the sort of dead-end situations she’s been facing herself for the last few years. She stops to pray and cry with homeless moms on the street. Worships with abandon at her church on weekends. Took college courses without even having access to a computer or a home. Gives everything to make sure her daughter is at school, clothed, fed and loved no matter what the circumstance. All it took was a hotel room to work from and Linda’s already started writing again here on her blog. This woman is amazing.

Thankfully, Linda caught the attention of a housing case worker at the shelter who was able to secure her a and her daughter a spot in a hotel and a housing voucher good for a year’s rent. She’s still facing an uphill battle to find a rental willing to take her voucher, after discovering that a former landlord had lodged a filing claiming unpaid rent which she no longer has the paperwork to disprove. However, the good news is that by God’s grace, through her own steady discipline and with the help of a few good friends who have come around her, Linda is at least finally healed in body, mind and spirit enough to begin to dream and rebuild again. Because of her illness, Linda’s body won’t ever be able

19488819_10211636244315166_8221609418924028754_o

A glass wall Linda designed for a hospital

to withstand the rigors of a full-time, all day, everyday work schedule she can’t control that would come with working for someone else. However, in her previous life she successfully built businesses using her artistic and design skills and that is what she would like to do again. Which this is where you get to be a superhero for a real life superhero and her daughter.

Linda’s plan now is to use her skills to start a portrait photography business specializing in kids with autism. Because of her past work with families of kids with autism, she already has contacts inside that community to begin building a client list and a targeted marketing plan. A new website is starting to be built for her as you read this now. She’s already managed to get her hands on a professional grade camera so all she needs now is a few more pieces of professional equipment, some space to work and resources for implementing a marketing plan to get going.

I believe with all my heart that the time has come for the world to give back to Linda so she can soar free once again. To that end, I’ve set up a Gofundme account for her to collect funds needed to get her business up and running. If you can contribute, that’s amazing and she will literally be forever grateful. But even if you can contribute financially, please pass on this post or the link to her Gofundme page so perhaps someone who is able will see it. If you’ve been reading the things she writes, you already know that this is a woman has an amazing heart and a love for God that won’t stop. Life’s been incredibly hard and unfair for her, but there’s not an ounce of bitterness or self-pity in her. Will you be a superhero for a real life superhero and help?

~Rebecca

Machine, Soil, Glory, Flow

18358749_10211163096686771_5459852355134312984_oIt has not been very comfortable obeying God these last few weeks. How many know He stretches us. Feel out of alignment? Ya, you should. God’s not static. He’s always moving when He shifts hard right you may or may not shift hard right. Depends where you are in the machine. Are you a gear, a lever, a pulley or a wing nut? Maybe you’re a motor or a fuse box in the mechanical machine analogy of the body of Christ.
Because God’s multi-dynamic.
Maybe your season is as a rubber banded belt on two converters spinning, stretching hard and tight like a taffy machine does. Pulling everything out, churning it, turning it, readying it for planting. God can not seed glory in mixed soil. He is not talking about the people around you, but rather the thoughts of conviction within you, hidden deep in reservoirs of your inner water that outlines the outer edges of your soil. Where your spirit abides in the water with your water. The beginning to the essence of God in you. God wants to shower the world with that water. Begin to allow him to filter it, take out all the build up , the parasites, the additives that have accumulated from the pollution you or others, who took care of you when you were vulnerable, opened the door to. Choices that brought darkness and wounds that have eroded the walls of your heart. Time to let go. As you let go I literally see scabies kind of scabs getting up and walking away. I’m assuming this is metaphoric. But I never fill in the blanks.
Wow. Start writing one flow and boom comes a rushing river shifts the flow.
That’s pretty much this season: like a deep long dark exillerating fun breathtaking scary water tube ride. Grab your mat! You can’t steer, so don’t try.
Hold on and keep your eyes on Jesus
Were here we Goooooo!
It all starts with being You
Being Real
Being Still
Asking questions
Hard questions
Jesus did
We should too
Then wait
Listen
Love
Listen
Obey
Rest
Jesus
Trust is worship
Jesus I worship you
Jesus I TRUST YOU

Seer Song

13912529_10208665892338223_7167030542510823001_nOh, my feet have been on clay too long.
Take me up
Up
Up
Up
Lost in your love
Forgotten by time
Captured inside the essence of who you are My Father.
When I look into your eyes
I find the me I so longed to know
Who is this me
And where has she been
Make me look like her
Cause me to feel like her
Arise alive in me this furious love which is the consumption of her name
Because her names in you
Jesus one name
Beautiful song she sings
Glorify His name
Angels sing
World collide
From who you are there’s no place to hide
Afraid to see the me that you call me to be
And face the words of those who says I’ve lost my way and the voice That leads me is not my Fathers words Divine
Words cut my heart
Realization
Awakened from my own childlike slumber
Dumbfounded, head spinning in wonder
Father is that you I hear
Take these words spoken to by leaders in concern for me
Take what’s true and put it inside of me
Lord let you be my truth
Let you be my stay
You give me my all
I hand it to you,
If it needs to go away
For I want nothing outside of your love
And I don’t want wings
if I can’t fly up in heavens great love
Swing me up, swing me down
Bring heaven from the depths of all glory to meet me right here right now in the birth of your story.
For you, the great author
The poet of my soul
The lover of all my being
Great God
Lord Jesus from heaven Divine
To you I surrender even the things I don’t yet know
Or all the places I’ve yet to go
In this moment
The word stops.still
I hand you my days.
I hand you my will
For the things.that I seek
No man could ever tell
And the gold that I’m seeking no man would ever sell
I’m on journey not for the mediocre ordinary or small
I’m not out for riches to stack up on my trophy wall
No the things I seek only my heart even knows if it even does exist
But for a love so Divine
One that paints me w heavens skies
One that spins me around
till I twinkle and ask the Lord of wonder
all the questions to meet his ways
Because the pull of gravity comes so alive in me
An explosion eternal one that costs you everything but worth so much more
than any mere man could ever pay
in the currency; money, sense or through logic’s way
Close your eyes Seer, child of heaven
Daddy’s not forgotten you
He’s blowing heaven’s winds down onto you
Breathe
Breathe
Oh weeping willow tree
Spread your vine and set me free
Father of lights
Lord God of and in everything
I live a life of love surrender in oneness with you.

Breathe your winds on the midsummer night
Keep my world
Guard my world
Let your creation rest
Rest this night in only you
Stillness
Stillness like a wind that tiptoes through
Breath
Breath
Heavens glorious breath of life love life on me
Glorious devotion
Heartfelt emotion
Mysterious commotion
Alive
King of kings
Lion of Judah
Jesus
You make me
Free

Simply Be

18738705_10211348194314096_4025868244418484144_oClose these eyes to sleep this night
Heart heavy
the world it needs to wait.
Dare to take a chance
Dare to sing
Dare to dance
Close your eyes rest your weary head
Be still my child is all He said
So I rest my head in this uncertain place
Knowing Jesus won the victory in this.race
I live to stand w Him face to face
Nothing else.really matters to me
Than to live a life of love full
To be free
But only after I learn how to in all things simply be

I hear I Am

18738899_10211348395799133_3518424291430009803_oTruth love
They go hand in hand
Worship relentlessly
It’s not a show to say look at me
It’s my only offering
It’s all I have to give
You say I’m wrong
That I hear him not
I’m am not a freak
I know proper prodigal
I have chosen
Reckless abandonment
Because I believed God was who He said He was. H
e IS. He always Will be
I’ll be HIS FOOL
He said I was one with Him
Yet you say I don’t hear him
That I could look like you
Then I guess I’ll get your real love
Not your empty words
There is now, therefore, no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus
Not even for me.
My crime
My punishment
Isn’t the mess I sit in
I’m not sitting here waiting to learn how to be
No I hear clearly
It will my God
My God who delivers me from the snare and the traps set before me for I am not my own.
I am a woman of honor
Maybe not declared and honored among men but definitely by my Father
Who holds my joys and sorrows equally.
He even holds my times, seasons and breakthroughs.
In him shall I trust.

Mountain of Love

12828550_10207475348215364_8885759283891232704_oFloating
In the arms of love
I know you don’t lead your sheep to slaughter. I know those before me heard the words You don’t hear God too.
You’re going the wrong way Noah said.
He sounded probably as foolish as I must sound.
Oh Lord give me grace and mercy
Give me endurance, peace and your presence, your Love
God let me surrender it all for your voice to lead me step by step.
Let the world declare me a jester, a fool in the courts of man. Then, Father, I ask to demonstrate how big you are
rise a mountain
crash a mountain
harness a mountain
Make me your mountain Oh my Lord
Not afraid anymore
Won’t run away anymore
I am not afraid anymore
I’m holding onto you God
A mighty mountain of Love you are
Consume me with your love
That I may stand a strong tower foolish to man but so positioned by you
For your glory
God
Loose your life to gain it
Bring it on
I say yes God
I accept the invitation to your love
You alone can have it all

The Difference Between Kind and Nice

11046528_10207475492578973_7773927851737907415_oGod finally taught me the difference between Kind and Nice.
He showed me nice is surface.
Examples in and out of the church sound the same. I love you.
We’re behind you. God loves you. You’re family.
That’s as deep as it goes. It says it values. It’s pretty – the surface – but the actions don’t fit the words really. It looks kind but it isn’t. It says one thing but it’s really painful and then it leads you to question. You go through the shame of seeing the descrepency between what is really and what is believed to be – what is. It leaves you feeling yucky, conflicted and torn.
It’s because it lacks substance. It lacks true belief of value which leads to a response, a real connection. And so it gives no hope. It’s presented as love without real agreement with what love is. So it’s love without real truth. It isn’t willing to risk or walk with you, really. It will make you feel good for a second but leave you feeling conflicted.
How many of you know Love without truth isn’t love?

Kind is the sincerity of the love in ones heart.
It always believes. It can do nothing but respond. It feels so good. It captures both love and truth.
When kindness experiences adversity it loves with truth, but it always honors the heart of another. Kindness says I value you in words and actions; in spirit and in truth.